


The Common American Vampire (bat)

by telldebatz



Series: The Menace and the bat [2]
Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Asexual Raphael Santiago, Established Relationship, Fluff, M/M, Saphael, bat problems, kind of
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-16
Updated: 2017-06-16
Packaged: 2018-11-14 20:02:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,080
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11215287
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/telldebatz/pseuds/telldebatz
Summary: Simon has a problem. A bat shaped problem.AKA: the one where Simon turns into a bat.





	The Common American Vampire (bat)

**Author's Note:**

> DO NOT COPY/PASTE MY FIC ON WATTPAD OR ANYWHERE ELSE.
> 
> This is kind of a sequel or set in the same place as [The Menace](http://archiveofourown.org/works/9842963). Except this has taken me **MONTHS** to write and it's been through many revisions and edits and I've had like four people help me out with it ([Casey270](http://archiveofourown.org/users/casey270/pseuds/casey270), Helga,  
> [Mckvch](http://archiveofourown.org/users/RaiseYourVoice/pseuds/mckvch) and Isweeden) but [Isweedan](http://archiveofourown.org/users/isweedan) was like the one who really helped me whip this thing into shape. It wouldn't be the fic it is today without her so I am eternally grateful. XD
> 
> If you see any errors please please let me know so I can fix them. :D
> 
> Simon and Raphael are kind of more based on fanon/ses. 1 than the current ses. I took some stuff from ses 2 but obviously this is not canon compliant or anything.
> 
> This is my longest fic posted on here and I'm quite proud of it, so I hope you enjoy it. XD And maybe I'll write more in the future, but I don't know.

Simon was slouched on one of those gold couches at the DuMort using his iPad to watch one of those typical reality shows, where you kill a few brain cells just by watching it because he was too tired for anything else. He had been up way before any decent vampire should be.

Everything had been pretty quiet for a while, and Raphael had been helping him get a better grip on all the vampire stuff he had kind of neglected the first time around. No one had tried to kill him in a while which was always great, and they had been dating for a while which was going okay too. If this were a Tv show, this is where everything would go to hell, but hopefully, he wasn’t jinxing anything.

His eyes were starting to droop now, and he was trying to work up the will to stand up and go to bed when his eyes closed for a second. He had let go of the iPad, and he was pretty sure he heard it fall to the floor when he felt something go through him and suddenly the sound from the show was deafening. Once he blinked his eyes open again, something was definitely off. He felt smaller, weirder and when he tried to stretch his arms, he noticed that he had wings. Somehow he had changed into a freaking bat. He totally jinxed it.

He was stuck on this stupid couch, wondering if a bat could hyperventilate, because he didn’t know what to do. Apparently transforming into a bat didn’t come with any bat knowledge. Even if he knew how to fly, he’s pretty sure he couldn’t talk to let anyone know it’s him. But this was so Murphy’s law, once you started thinking about something, of course, stuff starts to go wrong.

Maybe this was like his immunity to sunlight thing and wasn’t your standard-issue vampire power. This bat transformation thing had seriously never been brought up, not even as a joke as far as Simon could remember, but then neither had the daylighter thing.

He tried to flap his wings, but they felt so heavy and weird. The way they were attached to basically his whole body on his sides was also really unsettling. He closed his eyes and tried to take a few deep breaths to calm himself. 

Something rushed through him again, and he was back to normal. He had never been so glad to hit his head on anything before as when he hit his head on the back of the couch. He rubbed the top of his head before he reached down to the floor and grabbed the iPad, which was still playing that damn reality show.

He was just glad that he hadn’t lost his clothes or anything. Because thankfully, it turned out they were somehow included in the transformation. That would definitely keep this from potentially getting even more awkward if it happened again out of the blue.

Simon knew the smart thing to do was probably just to ask Raphael about it right away, but he also kind of wanted to see if he could actually figure it out on his own and fly for real before he told Raphael.

He didn’t think that this room was the best option for another try though since anyone could just walk in and see what he was doing. They might see a bat and try to kill it, or see him acting all ridiculous if it didn’t work. And he wasn’t in the mood to get killed again or to have to explain just what he was trying to do.

Not that Raphael hadn’t seen Simon embarrass himself enough already and still loved him, but he needed somewhere else for this whole thing. Raphael was going to be busy with Lily tomorrow night figuring out their strategies for the next meeting with the Philadelphia clan. So, maybe Simon could use their bedroom, which they had just recently started to share for some late night cuddling and companionship, as his testing ground.

\---

While he waited for Raphael to leave the next night Simon googled bats to try and get some of that info that he was missing. When he had finally left, Simon went to the room he had been in the day before and moved the couch to the bedroom because who knew, maybe this whole thing had something to do with the couch. After some struggling to get it in there on his own and switching out of his sweat-soaked T-shirt for a clean one, that just so happened to have the Batman logo, he was finally ready to conduct his bat experiment. 

Simon didn’t know exactly how he changed into a bat, but one minute he had been about to fall asleep and when he had opened his eyes again everything around him had looked much bigger, and he could have sworn that the wall was red before, not black. Also, it had been like all the sounds had been turned up to eleven. Especially that Tv show. One thing Simon knew is that he had a feeling that he had changed back because of the deep breathing and relaxing stuff he had done yesterday so that might not hurt to try again.

After a few minutes of lying on the couch, doing some deep breathing and thinking maybe a bit too much about bats, something finally happened, and he was once again a bat. It was just as freaking weird as the first time it had happened, but at least he had been prepared this time. He thought it would hurt more, like with Maia and her transformation but for some reason, it didn’t.

Once Simon got over the weirdness of it all he found out he could pretty much maneuver around on all fours and climbed the side of the couch with some difficulty, but then once up there, he promptly fell off it and freaked out. So he flapped his wings without thinking about it and hoped for the best. Simon didn’t know if it was because of all that stuff he read about bats online earlier or if maybe it was just something you did subconsciously, but suddenly he was flying. He was just afraid if he thought too hard about it then he'd fall to the floor, so he tried to just go with the flow.

The flying didn’t last long because all of a sudden he collided with something that stepped in front of him and he fell to the floor like he had feared he would. He looked up to try and see what he hit, but it was like trying to see the top of a skyscraper on a cloudy day, all he knew was that it was a man that could be Raphael. He really hoped it was Raphael.

Simon was still trying to make sense of who it was when he suddenly felt wet on the side of his body and when he turned his head to see what was going on he saw that it was the damn cat licking him. Licking him like it was wondering if he tasted good enough to eat.

Simon wished he could tell the cat that if it killed him, Raphael wouldn’t be pleased, but being a freaking bat he couldn’t. The cat, the menace with no name, just kept licking him. Simon had thought that the cat didn’t hate him anymore, it had started to let him pet it occasionally, but it didn’t exactly love him either. But then it probably, hopefully, didn’t even know it was Simon.

He knew he should try and save himself, but he was still a bit stunned from the fall to the floor and didn’t seem to be able to move very fast. Whoever it was that stood over him shooed the cat away before it could chomp down on him and Simon was beyond grateful as he heard the door close.

He closed his eyes again and tried the whole meditation route again to see if it would still work, even if it was pretty hard to calm down right at that moment. Thankfully it really seemed to be the trick to changing between forms. Before Simon knew it, he was back to human and looking up at his puzzled-looking boyfriend.

“Dios, Simon. What have you been doing and why is this couch here?” Raphael asked Simon, who was still lying on the floor feeling a bit dazed. It felt weird not to have wings anymore, and Simon wondered if you could get sore muscles from flying too much.

“I don’t want to say. It’s stupid. When were you going to tell me that ‘turning into a bat’ is real and not just a Dracula thing? It is real, right? Wait, is Dracula real?” Simon asked Raphael rapidly as he helped Simon stand up and then sat him down on the couch to recover. 

“It is, but we hardly ever use it. It’s a pain to use, and there are all kinds of limitations. It’s also dangerous and just can get kind of disgusting. And no, not exactly,” The look on Raphael’s face when he said that bit about it being disgusting made Simon think there was a story there he’d have to drag out of Raphael later. Also, he'd have to ask him more about how Dracula wasn’t _exactly_ real.

“But why didn’t you tell me?” Simon asked him, as he stood back up from the couch now that he had recovered from his second bat-turning. 

“Because you were having trouble with the basics, and this is far more advanced,” Raphael told him with just the tiniest bit of a shrug of his shoulders. 

Simon puffed up his chest jokingly and then said semi-seriously; “Well, I guess not that advanced,” And winked at Raphael.

“I don’t know how you managed that actually,” Raphael told him, with a hint of a smirk on his face and Simon was not amused. It wasn’t his fault that he got turned during a hectic time with almost no time to train. Well, except, okay, maybe the Camille thing didn’t help either, and he knew now he should have just tried harder to get Raphael to help them out with that but still.

“Maybe Jace’s blood helped or something,” Simon wondered out loud, while Raphael looked away and rolled his eyes. “I saw that. Come on, don’t be jealous. He only did it to save my life,” Simon took Raphael’s face in his hands and stared Raphael directly in the eyes as he reassured him. 

“I know, I know. I just can’t help it,” Raphael told him which made Simon stroke his face gently for a moment, and Raphael closed his eyes. They didn’t really like to talk about that whole thing; it was a tender spot with both of them.

Their relationship had been quite fractured at that point, and it could have fully broken down. But thankfully it had only gotten stronger since then, and now both of them couldn’t imagine their lives without the other. They had both feared the other had died and, of course, feeding on Shadowhunter blood was a dangerous thing to do and the possibility of getting addicted was high, but they got through it together in the end.

Simon shook his head to clear it of the bad memories and grabbed his phone from his pocket, so when Raphael opened his eyes again, he was already looking something up on his phone. “I’m so going to use this to spy on people. Clary’s not going to know what hit her. But I’m pretty sure I changed into a common vampire bat. They’re the only ones who can kind of jump and stuff, not just fly.” 

Raphael sighed as Simon shoved his phone in his face. “Just be careful, baby. I don’t want to have to hear about you being killed by an exterminator or something,” Raphael told him and pushed the phone out of the way and was about to sit down on the couch, but then he seemed to give the couch a closer look and kept standing. He was probably noticing how scuffed the couch was looking. Again Simon had moved it all on his own, and even with vampire speed and strength, Simon is not the most graceful, so there had been some mishaps when he was moving it.

“Has that uh, happened before?” Simon asked Raphael nervously, but it looked like Raphael wasn’t paying much attention to him anymore and that his mind was now almost entirely on the scuffed couch. 

“I’ve heard stories. As I said, it’s dangerous,” Raphael muttered, as he walked around the couch, inspecting the damage to it.

“Thanks for shooing the cat away,” Simon told him, but Raphael didn’t hear him, so Simon repeated himself and that time Raphael heard him, looking up from the big, black streak on the back of the couch.

“Well, I couldn’t let the cat eat you. I’d probably miss your constant ramblings too much,” Raphael told him, and Simon grabbed his hand to get his mind off the damage and back on Simon. Raphael smiled back at him fondly.

“You know you love me,” Simon told him, returning that smile and played with one of Raphael’s hands.

“Si,” Raphael twined their fingers together and tugged on Simon’s hand so that Simon stepped closer to him.

“Maybe remember that next time something happens to one of your jackets,” Simon told him jokingly and pulled on Raphael’s jacket sleeve with his other hand. 

“Maybe remember the cat next time it happens, and you decide to play bat,” Raphael had a twinkle in his eyes as he tugged some more on their intertwined hands.

“Always with the threats, Santiago,” Simon muttered and let himself fall down on the couch, and dragged Raphael down with him. Which Simon knew Raphael didn’t appreciate very much by the look on his face, probably thinking back to all the scuff marks and the possibility of something maybe broken inside it, but he let Simon do it anyway because what was a little mangling of furniture between partners for life. 

“Always with the constant talking, idiota,” Raphael told him, raising their still entwined hands to his lips and kissing Simon’s knuckles. 

“I love you too,” Simon said to him and smirked while Raphael just sighed and rolled his eyes again. He had started to do that more now. People thought Raphael was the strong, silent type but he was a damn marshmallow on the inside.

“Just tell me if you figure out any more unexpected powers. Remember, communication is key apparently,” Raphael said to him and tugged a bit on Simon’s hand so he’d move closer to him.

“Yeah, yeah, Doctor Phil. Maybe I should just make a list of all the fictional vampire powers I’ve ever seen, read or heard about and make you check yes or no to them,” Simon jokingly said, and rolled his eyes back at Raphael.

“Bring it on,” Raphael answered, and Simon’s smirk turned into a fond grin as Raphael pulled him into a tight sideways hug with their faces ending in the crook of each other’s necks.

“Why were you even here today? I thought you were busy, that’s why I picked this time,” Simon mumbled into Raphael’s hair.

“I was hungry,” Raphael told Simon, as he playfully bit into Simon’s shoulder. “You’re lucky I saw the cat go in though, she could have been hungry too,” Raphael nipped again at Simon’s T-shirt clad shoulder. 

“Ugh, I know, I know. Thanks again for that,” Simon told him, hiding his face again in Raphael’s neck and Raphael squeezed his shoulder slightly.

Raphael stood up from the couch, and then pulled Simon up too. “Well, I’m still hungry. How about we move this couch back downstairs and you can tell me why there’s a mangled couch in our bedroom, then we can get some blood,” Raphael told him, and then they each grabbed a side of the couch and lifted it up, walking in the direction of the elevator.

“Well, it’s going to sound stupid now, but I was falling asleep on it yesterday when I first turned into a bat and thought maybe I needed it. But I wanted more privacy so yeah, I moved it. But I didn’t mangle it, it’s just a few scrapes,” Simon told him, and Raphael gave Simon this look that definitely meant he was thinking Simon was being an idiot again.

“That is stupid,” Raphael told him as they waited for the elevator doors to open so they could stuff the couch in there, and Simon wanted to facepalm himself so hard because why didn’t he think of that earlier. He had struggled to get the damn couch up he didn’t know how many flights of stairs, which is the reason why it’s a little beat up, and he had totally forgotten about the elevator.

“Hey, remember you love me. Stupidity and all,” Simon told Raphael, self-deprecatingly, as the elevator doors finally opened and they just about fit the couch in there.

“Yes, I know. But that’s really stupid,” Raphael told him, deadpan, as he squeezed into the elevator to push the button to the right floor and dragged Simon in with him.

“Like you’ve never done anything stupid,” Simon muttered, as they unloaded the couch from the elevator and carried it to the room it had originally been. When they finally got there someone had placed two chairs where the couch had been before, which was just how Simon's life went sometimes. They put the couch down, and Simon moved the chairs out of the way so he could put the couch back where it belonged while Raphael went for the bar that held the blood. 

“I’ve done lots of stupid stuff, but I’ve never thought a couch gave me special powers,” Raphael told him, stone-faced, but Simon could hear the slight sarcasm in his voice as he reached for some glasses to pour the AB positive into.

Simon leaned against the opposite wall and groaned, “Ugh, go back to ignoring me for the couch.”

“Nope,” Raphael told him, finally cracking a smile again and bumped their shoulders before handing Simon one of the glasses, then clinking their glasses together. Simon secretly had a really ridiculously dorky boyfriend.

**Author's Note:**

> DO NOT COPY/PASTE MY FIC ON WATTPAD OR ANYWHERE ELSE.
> 
> This fic was inspired by a comment left on The Menace by someone that called themselves 'G'. They told me in the books vampires could change into a bats and all kinds of things and wanted a fic where Simon learned how to do this and fly. It's not totally like the prompt, it's a bit sillier but I still hope they read it and enjoy it. XD
> 
> Raphael's aceness is kinda based on my ace/gray-aceness. <_< >_> XD ( _This might be more directed at the previous fic tho._ )
> 
> If you want to see what the cat looks like in my head I posted a pic [here](https://singitforthegirls.tumblr.com/post/161891321476/the-common-american-vampire-bat).
> 
> Kudos and comments are <3.


End file.
